I have to admit, I haven't thought much about baseball cards since I ruined all of mine by folding them in half so I could field the 1987 St. Louis Cardinals in the living room back in the day. I certainly never figured that there'd be a connection with religion that could make me a fortune.
All that changed when I saw this bizarre story:
The 2007 Topps Allen & Ginter
product [I'm pretty sure these are baseball cards--ed.] had barely been on the market 48 hours when one of the best
cards available was pulled [bought, I'm guessing--ed.] by a local dealer during last week's
National Sports Collectors Convention.
Chad Smith, of Wolverine Sportscards in Westchester, Ohio, bought a
case of Allen & Ginter from Dave & Adam's Card World on the
show floor. Like many dealers, Smith lugged the case back to his hotel
room to bust [they should really include a glossary with this thing--ed.], with the intent of selling its key singles the next day.
Halfway through the case, she appeared. The 1/1 Mother Teresa cut autograph.
"We had been busting for a few hours, and about to quit at 3:00 a.m.
(EST) [I find it amusing that they included the time zone--ed.] when I saw it," Smith said. "I started shaking. I didn't say
anything, but my buddy knew I hit something big."
I had no idea that they were now selling religious paraphernalia in packs of baseball cards. All I ever got was a crunchy stick of gum getting pink dust all over Tommy Herr. I wouldn't have cared until I got to this part:
Word of Smith's divine pull spread like wildfire on the show floor.
While value estimates on the card have ranged from $10,000 [!!!--ed.] all the way
up to $40,000 [!!!!!--ed.], Smith says he's already received an offer of $20,000,
which he rejected [!!!!!!!--ed.].
We should know for sure next week. The card is now up for auction on eBay.
This is clearly a racket worth getting into. So here's my idea: limited edition papal trading cards. I provide the pictures and information. You print them out, glue them to construction paper, and trade them or put them in the spokes of your bike or sell them on eBay. They're limited only in the sense that I don't think anyone is actually going to do that, but that's just going to make the few that exist more valuable. Thanks to the eminently worth having Digital Library of the Catholic Reformation and the late Caesar Baronius, we have portraits. And thanks to the sophisticated research tools at my disposal, we've got the stats. The Series One starts off with two of my favorite Fives, Celestine and Clement.
CELESTINE V
Birth Name: Pietro Angelerio
Ruled: 1294
Caves ascetically lived in: Two
Longest stretch alone in a cave: Five years
Crusades: None
Plays written about his life since 1950: Two
Poisoned by successor?: Maybe
Fun Fact: Celestine reacted to the news of his election by running away.
CLEMENT V
Birth Name: Bertrand de Goth
Ruled: 1305-1314
Heretics dealt with: Fra Dolcino
Was Fra Dolcino the guy they talk about in Name of the Rose?: Yes
Crusades: One, against Venice
Level of Hell assigned to by Dante: 8th
Eerie portents: The church in which his corpse was resting was struck by lightning and burned.
Fun Fact: You know how you don't see many Knights Templar around these days? That's thanks to Clement V.
